Thursday, January 21, 2010

Excuse Me please!!

I have hardly heard Indians say "Excuse Me" where they should. This post is not about the "dhakka-mukki" of local trains and buses, the rush in clueless queues, arrogant Autowallahs, shameless Sarkari Babus or the Roadside Romeos. This post is about the so called sophisticated Indians - the creme de la creme; who, when in their true self can be the worst face of this country.I hereby bring you a few observations in support of my case.

1. Airports and Flights - People of all classes and qualifications elbowing their way to be the first one to reach the exit. Same is the case in the queues for security check where the person behind you makes sure that he occupies each millimeter of space between your back and his belly; so much so that sometimes it makes a good enough case of molestation. They will nudge you, push you, touch you at all sorts of places but only 1 in a hundred would have the manners to say "Excuse me".

2. Traffic signals - They know that you have no plans to raise a family on the road. Still a yellow light makes the horns of their sedans strive for orgasm. And in case you are behind them, you better remain so, because all it takes is a push of a power window button and a craning neck to turn the road into a wash basin. To top it all, the most dangerous can be a parked car where the driver's door always tries to test your reflexes and response time. And nobody ever says "Excuse me"

3. Self Service Restaurants - As soon as you order your much thought after Rs.50 plain dosa or a Rs.45 burger, an "oh so sexy!" hand stretches right beside you to distract you and seize the opportunity to say "Bhaaia, ekh chicken burger with extraw cheese, tyoo Khokes and one phasta supreme....make it fast please...". And before you can tell her "madam aap kataar me hain" she takes her slip, throws a 'what the fuck are you standing here for' look at you, turns back and leaves. Did I hear her say Excuse me?

4. Parking lots - As soon as you reach the parking, another car will take a dangerous turn overtaking you and filling in the nearest vacant parking spot. The 45 year old driver of the car would turn back once and give you a "Dekha!! Main first a gaya" look. That was the head of the family for you. And leave alone an 'excuse me', you won'y even have the luxury to hear a horn from him.

5. Mega Stores - Here you will find a "samaan and trolley" race on between different sets of Papa-Mummys and Chunnu-Munnus. This, mind you my friends is a tough game and is not meant for the faint hearted. No matter how long these families spend deciding the brand of 'Surf' they want to buy, when it comes to occupying a spot in the cash counter queue, they won't mind bulldozing your foot, nudging your trolley, head-butting you or worst of all sending a 3 year old who can barely walk properly to 'reserve' a place for them with a pack of 'god knows what all' in hand. And this time, its poor you who would have to keep saying "Excuse me, please ye bachche ko dekhiye zara....he thinks he has a balloon in his hand".

6. Multiplexes - Be prepared for a stampede in case you are standing near the door of a screen and it has just opened. The way people rush into the hall often makes me feel like stopping one of them and saying " Ye le rumaal, beech wali seat gher lena". I am sure at least that would make him say,'Excuse me???"

(To be continued...)


  1. Yup, the worst mannered people I've seen are rich, gold chain wearing illiterates in malls and multiplexes.

  2. Hi!

    A somewhat related post, here (click) - not from my blog! :) But where I have commented. I can totally empathize with you. Somehow, a person's accent and clothing have no relation with how cultured and considerate they are, and much worse, no relation at all with their moral integrity.

    A really significant issue you touched upon and with most appropriate examples.

    Take care.

  3. Quite true. The phrase "Excuse me" appears to be slowly vanishing from the spoken lexicon of we Indians.

    To be fair to the phrase, people normally use it when they express their frustration or disgust or anger to what you say... like,"EXCUSE ME !! What rubbish !! "

  4. Good one!

    Excuse me, Sorry, Pardon me, Thank you:- words which have been erased frm a North Indian English dictionary. Irks u a lot, when u brush past such water-buffaloes draped in gaudy outfits, trolling the malls and multiplexes of the so called civilized cities.

  5. Hilarious yet true! Good writing style btw.